NO, NOT I...

Silently, silently; l go about my business; watching people rushing by, faces of stone and worry, cant help them, no not l.
l wonder about their dear old hearts, and how they pump with rush and anxieties; l cant help them, no, not l.
late, when all is quietening, l look out onto the street, and see so many so tired, and dead on their feet.
And for what reason l may ask, ...
..
ln a few days time, it will all be still, and getting up and around will take a lot of your tired will.
For what reason did u rush, then sit exhausted when all is hush.
...
My gift for you is my silent compassion mantra, your suffering l understand and feel, yet l cannot help, oh no not I.
l wish for all to see a silent christmas, not one of rush; one of hush, a thought for what it means, or, dont do it at all.
Hypocrits youll become, if you dont do and be true, to you alone.
Gifts of material, o so wrong, gifts of the heart always sing a song...

RESTLESS..

Gooday...

this morning whilst trying to wake from a deep sedated sleep; l looked out of my front door at the green hedge in my sight.something in me yelled change.change ...u need it...lve spent many yrs slowing down on my last adventure which involved late nights, and some drugs dope.l hadnt realised until now how delusion they had made me be.now that lm clear ,lm becoming restless...............

after spending some time in the 360 and reading and making breakfast of egg sandwiches,l blogged this after reading a blogger called pet.................

Old old habits.

A yes person,

that was me. and prolly still is. we do, ' cos we really do want to help, so that others will feel better. we exhaust ourselves to oblivia, and then wish we hadnt done it, but would have felt guilty if we hadnt. someone once said to me, to be emotionally selfish, l thought, oh that sounds really bad. but its not. l bet u haven't been in touch with you for a long time,and youve been doing for others so long, that u dont know who u r. l thought, well maybe this person is right. sometimes we have to look after us instead of others all the time, they can look after themselves, and believe it or not, they do just fine most of them without u. so sit back, and have some you time. cos if u feel good, then when ppl really need you, you will be happier, healthier, and do a better job, 'cos youre not so emotionally tired. l myself only do for ppl now, if my heart is honest, then they get the truth, and not some tired old person who feels obligated..............

Poem - She Sleeps...

here l go; down;down;down; into the bowels of darkness;through tunnels and bends,;down, down,down.light fading, green stench mold and slime,slippery.so so fast, my energies blown from my mind and body to be lost in the dark winding tunnels, to be found on the way back to the light.no thoughts, just falling...no mind. too tired to think.have been here several times before, its a waiting game.time just basic time.lts getting dark now.l cannot see.l cannot think.l cannot feel.l am a ragdoll,useless to myself.l must ride this roller coaster, and just go with it.
l cannot summon the host.she is asleep.she's here but down there, we have to wait.she has to wait.she sleeps.
life on the outside seems so far far away...almost non-existant.she reaches, but her arms are too weak.she falls limp.she sleeps.